Armory Show 2014

I saw a teacher of mine yesterday... he missed me at first though, but the two friends I was with caught him. I couldn't help but feel like I'd disappointed him in some way by not being rich and successful. The thing about teaching is: there's always gonna be a new class arriving that year and with it, new people to collect or invest stock in (time, attention, evaluation and interest in their work). And with every new year, the old classes graduate and move on... so a sort of indifference has to be fashioned to avoid sentimentality. It's a business basically. People have their own lives to live and you have your own. I get confused and hurt though because I feel quite naive most of the time. I looked up to people in college because I felt they genuinely cared about my work and where I was going in life... I had very little friends. I had no way of knowing whether I was just talking to a mask, a character fashioned to make it appear as if they cared... or simply wanted to gain my confidence enough to exploit me. It's only becoming tougher because of the anonymity that the internet provides... giving people the freedom to become sociopathic and all.

I know my teacher was and is a good person though. I hope I look as healthy as he does when I get to be his age and maybe have the opportunity to teach others... but everything requires a masters these days and I don't have enough time and money to spend on what I can learn myself I believe. College is also the most expensive and unfulfilling dating service in the world.

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