2/15/2014

Valentine's Day Dependency Fertilizer

I looked at a site today and broke down. I let it get the best of me. We all do sometimes...

When I was younger, I threw away all of my yearbooks. I knew I'd never see these people again.

No matter how hard I'd try to rekindle things, friendships, love and nostalgia would never return... because I knew they didn't want me. I knew they didn't need me. Their actions, words, and demeanor told me so. I was gone forever in their eyes and discarded like worn clothes.

I'm haunted by recent memories now. I mourn the loss of friendship and love. The understanding that I cannot change people and the past is an agony. Some unknown inadequacy that I had drove them to discard me and wraps me in self-hatred. It's shit. It's all lying, mean shit. And I feel very alone because that's all there seems to be left.

So I'm going to finish this comment and rise. So I'm going to go to draw with real people and not feel alone. I'm going to put the shit on my flowers and fertilize them.

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